Famous for its two-buck Chuck (now four bucks), Trader Joe’s has stocked affordable, totally fine wines since it opened in 1967. (If you’re looking for the best of the wine selection, let sommelier André Mack be your guide.) But lately, the wine and beer shelves are scooting around to make room for new nonalcoholic bevs, from alcohol-removed wines to chic sparkling teas, cutsie canned spritzes, local NA beers, and fizzy ciders reminiscent of what they served at my step-sibling’s dry wedding in East Texas. The beauty is variety—but that variety depends on the region. They’re still missing out on the great faux-Negronis out there, Ghia, and other new kids on the block, but let’s have a sip to find the best of the bunch.
Top Picks
Athletic Brewing Hazy IPA
If you regularly drink NA beers you know Athletic. They absolutely dominate the scene (though honestly, I prefer Guinness 0.0 and NA Blue Moon). Trader Joe’s stocks the whole line, at least at my Ann Arbor store, and my favorite is the Hazy IPA because the juicy flavor comes through strong and it makes me feel like a bloated raincloud—just like real beer does!
Flvr! By Untitled Art
Flvr! Is an unfortunately named line of NA beers from Wisconsin brand Untitled Art. Even if it had its vowels, I’m not sure I want to ask someone to “grab me a Flavor!” from the garage fridge. I was surprisingly into the Mango Dragonfruit Sour. It’s more like a yeasty pink lemonade than a gose or sour beer—but that’s a blurry line anyway. It has about a third of the amount of sugar in a Dr Pepper, my life’s true calling. Also tasty on the rocks.
Libby Non-Alcoholic Wine Sparkling Rosé
Not enough people talk about how stressful opening a Champagne-style bottle is. Everyone pretends it’s so fun and they’re so brave and boop! There it goes! When in reality it’s often physically challenging and jack-in-the-box terrifying. Libby SPARES US! It’s got a flip top, which means I can reuse the bottle for my big-batch margs. What’s inside is totally decent faux rosé. It’s a Florida-grandma-lipstick shade of coral pink—jolly. It has some yeasty bread notes on the first sip, but the rest is all strawberry jam, albeit surprisingly dry.
Non-Alcoholic Rosé Sparkling Tea
Extremely hard to open. I mostly tasted peach in this blended oolong, herbal, and fruit tea. It has pleasant nose-tickling tiny bubbles you can’t get in canned sparkling teas, which creates that perception of prosecco. I’d happily drink this at your baby shower, but it’s a bit sweet to tickle its way into my regular food budget.
Non-Alcoholic Blanc Sparkling Tea
This is a blend of green tea and other herbal/fruit teas and it’s milder than the rosé version, but the hint of lemongrass gives it a hand soap note I couldn’t shake. Still, I love this option and the direction things are headed.
Mionetto Alcohol-Removed Sparkling Wine
This was the best of the alcohol-removed wines. It has teeny-tiny bubbles that coat your tongue, and nostalgic flavor that reminds me of the white grape juice my grandparent’s plowed through in the ’90s. It’s still very convincing.
Win Sparkling Verdejo
There’s lots of marketing language on the label about how reputable this Spanish vineyard is, and I’m happy for them, but I’m gonna be impressed by anyone who figured out how to suction alcohol out of naturally fermented alcoholic bevs. This is a bright and hyper-bubbly alcohol-removed wine that’s juicy with green apple notes. It’s not the most subtle NA wine on the shelf, but it goes down easy.
Something Spritzy Pineapple & Orange
When you see the SpongeBob-looking font at TJ’s you know they’re up to something goofy. This canned mocktail/adult sodie pop has a hint of warm spice from ginger powder, and sweet flirty fun from pineapple juice, but it’s forgettable. It’s like an upgraded Spindrift.
Brewed Ginger Beer
Most people buy this as a mixer for Moscow Mules, but I love drinking ginger beer on its own, especially with rich food. TJ’s brand isn’t the spiciest out there, but it still has a faintly pleasant burn. Add a squeeze of lime if you’re feeling dramatic.
Agua de Kefir Guava Paloma
This is a new drink from GT’s, the big kombucha brand, made from kefir grains (don’t ask). It has a fuzzy navel pale pink color and a faint guava flavor, a little earthy but barely sweet. The only thing keeping me from a rave review is that every time my mouth got near the glass, I coughed. Why? There’s a drop of habanero juice in there! If you’re into that, pick some up.
Honorable Mentions
Villa Italia Italian Blood Orange Soda
Trader Joe’s has stocked this chi-chi soda for ages, but it’s a classic choice I still prefer to the fake wines, even if it isn’t as bubbalicious. It’s unabashedly sweet yet sneaky elegant because blood orange has that power. I like to serve over ice with an orange wedge for a Negroni-looking drink.
French Market Sparkling Limeade
Is it a great margarita mix? Yes. But it’s also a pleasant party guest on its own and can be cut with tonic for a gentle take on an NA G&T.